A letter to my 30 year old self

It’s weird to think about how much will have changed in a year let alone 12. I’ve just turned 18 and that in itself is so so scary to me. So turning 30. Wow. That is literally terrifying. In my life so much changes in literally a week so I can’t even imagine what will have changed by the time I am 30. But I would definitely love to know. I would have a lot of things to say to my 30 year old self but I obviously that isn’t possible so I thought I would do it on here instead.

30th April 2017

Hello,

It feels so strange for me to thinking about 30 year old me. But how are you? Can you believe you’re 30? I can hardly believe I am 18 now so I can understand if you feel a little (lot) stressed about it. I mean first things first, I’d like to say how unbelievably proud I am of you for making it to 30.

So how’s life? Did I eventually finish sixth form? I seem to have been here forever and I still have another year. Did I enjoy my last year? Did I work hard? I really hope I did. I really really hope I did. Did I finally decide what I want to do? Or did I change my mind once again from children’s nursing? Or are you a children’s nurse right this second? Are you enjoying it as much as I thought I would?

Are you still as fiercely independent as I am now? Or have you gone all soft. No. I don’t think you will have done. I’ve never been one to back down. I hope you let your walls down for someone at least. You do deserve to be happy, please tell me you have remembered that.

Am I still friends with people from sixth form and school? I mean of course I have a pretty good idea about who will still be in my life at 30. But is it what I expect? I can’t wait to see what I’m like when I’m older and what everyone is like too. It will be so amazing to see how much we have changed. Please don’t be stubborn and let stupid things ruin friendships. You know it’s not worth it in the long run. If you’re missing someone now please don’t ignore that feeling. Don’t lose the connections you have with some people, those friendships are the one’s that should last a lifetime. You’ve been through too much with some people to just not have them in your life anymore. Don’t forget that.

Have you finally left your bedroom? Please tell me you have at least been slightly spontaneous and gone on a trip somewhere. You haven’t experienced enough at 18 but I really really hope you have by the age of 30.

Do you still like the same things? Are fluffy blankets and cats still things that can warm your heart in an instant? Please tell me that you are in a blanket with Taylor Swift playing in the background whilst you read this. It would only be right if you where. I can guarantee there are some songs that will just bring back so many memories.

I hope you have and are still working on being more positive. I know you have struggled so much with your anxiety and depression but I truly hope you have worked past it. Are you happier? Are you proud of who you have become?

Are you married? I mean I would be surprised if I am, I swear I am a spinster at heart. I really hope you’re happy. But if you are married did you have the beautiful wedding you always dreamed of. With that dress and those flowers. Was it everything you dreamed of and more? Do you have any children? I know it’s what you want more than anything. I really hope you do. Because I know how much you want it.

Is 30 better than 18? In my current situation I would hope that YES it is better. I hope you’re happy and that what you have achieved in life so far puts a smile on your face every morning.

I really hope you are happy. I know you deserve it.

Cleo xxx

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