We all talk a lot about moving on. About letting go. About healing and forgetting. About putting ourselves first. About saving ourselves. About putting the pieces back together after we’re broken. We talk about saying goodbye, coming clean, washing away the pain. We talk about moving on.
We write and we cry and then we write some more. We cry by ourselves and we cry to others. We vent to our friends. We vent to our therapists. We cry some more. It gets to the point where they are regurgitating the same advice over and over again that we never seem to listen to. About the same problems we can’t stop talking about. We read articles, we read poems, we read books and we say that “today is the day we will move on”. We seem so ready to change and move on for about 10 seconds before it all comes crashing down again. We are so ready to take on the world with a heart that is no longer heavy and no longer in pain. And then we cry a little more.
We don’t move on. As much as we say we are going to. We never do. We stay. We linger. And we stay stuck in this circle, going round and round being hurt and then talking about being hurt instead of actually just moving on. Instead of actually deciding to take people’s advice. Instead of actually letting the pain wash away. Instead of MOVING ON.
We talk a lot about moving on but usually we are doing just that. TALKING about moving on. Never actually doing it.
Because in reality? The honest to god cold hard truth of the matter? The real talk no holding back, bitter truth about why we suck at moving on?
Because we don’t want to. We suck at moving on because we don’t want to. That’s it really. We just don’t want to. So we don’t. And we go round and round and round in the circle.
We stay in pain. Sulking in our own self pity, misery and hurt. Because we are comfortable here. As much as it hurts we are comfortable. It’s so much easier than starting over. Because we are so familiar with the act of hurting and prodding our own wounds with overthinking so we sit there, day after day metaphorically putting salt in our cuts and then whining about how much it stings. We basically continue in this circle of hurt and relieving bad memories and feeling sorry for ourselves because it’s so simple to let ourselves feel hurt.
We suck at moving on because as much as we say we are going to we aren’t actually willing to change our lives. We keep waiting for that someone or something to change our lives for us. And when that doesn’t happen we just sit, still waiting and still transfixed on the thing we claimed to be letting go of in the first place.
We aren’t moving on because we would rather talk about our pain and live in this bubble of sadness we have created for ourselves. So we continue to play the victim because it’s easy.
Moving on means actually doing this. It means breaking the circle. It means taking control of our own thoughts and our own emotions and our own happiness.
The thing is we have all been there. We have all gone through a period or two (or three or six or twenty five) where we feel so terrible that we can’t actually get out of bed. Periods where all we want to do is pick at our own scars and ask people if they have any plasters. Because we want to be able to whine about how sad we are but not actually do anything about it. Periods of time where realistically, we know we’re responsible for our own heartbreak, our own pain, but we’re drawn to it like a moth to a flame so we just keep burning our fingers.
But it’s not these periods of time that define us as people. It’s what we do after which defines us.
It’s how it takes for us to realise we can’t hold on forever. It’s how long we all ourselves to stay stuck in the “I can’t let go” stage. It’s whether or not we recognise that at the end of the day no one but ourselves can define our own happiness. And that we have to pick ourselves up and stop talking about moving on and actually fucking do it. It’s the decision to stop allowing yourself to be defined by one bad thing, and instead go out and create new things that you would want your name next to.
The bitter truth about why you suck at moving on is that really, you probably don’t suck at moving on at all.
You just need to choose to actually do it.
And by you. I definitely mean me.
Take care and try not to worry too much,