Last Kiss

“So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep. And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe. And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are. Hope it’s nice where you are. And I hope the sun shines and it’s a beautiful day. And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed. You can plan for a change in weather and time. But I never planned on you changing your mind. So I’ll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes. All that I know is I don’t know how to be something you miss. Never thought we’d have a last kiss. Never imagined we’d end like this. Your name, forever the name on my lips. Just like our last kiss.”

I don’t quite know how to say how I feel about this one. Because as much as I am trying to move on; I am still hurting. I could try and try and try until I was exhausted to try and get over you but it won’t be happening any time soon. I am affected by you. I am hurt by you. I love you.

I see your face in my mind whilst I lie in bed. Alone. I never thought it would end this way. I guess people are people and sometimes we change our mind. But I never thought this would change. And that’s killing me.

It’s like I’m in one of those sad music videos for songs you always end up listening to when it’s 2am and you should really be sleeping. It’s those songs you don’t really want to be listening to but they always end up playing anyway. And it just brings me down. But I don’t know what to be without you around anyway.

It’s never been simple and it’s never been easy. I feel like there is no one here to save me. No one. And I feel like I can’t breathe without you. But I have to.

I never wanted it to be like this. I never wanted to be hurt and I never wanted you to be hurt either. I tried to avoid all the conflict, I promise I did. I know it doesn’t seem that way. But people are people and sometimes it literally doesn’t work out. And there’s nothing we can do about it. Nothing.

So it’s 2am again. And I’m feeling like I’ve lost a friend. Or lover. Or whatever you were to me. I hope you know that I’m feeling like this. I hope you know it’s not easy for me. Because I can’t carry on like this.

And I just want more time. One more time where I could sort things out with you. One last time. One last time where everything could be fixed. Because my mind keeps wondering to you and I want to see you again. And right before my own eyes; I’m breaking. I find myself going on my phone, all ready to message you or call you and I have to stop myself from doing what I did all those times before. All those times I let you in; just for you to go again.

This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong. This is the last time I say it’s been you all along. This is the last time I let you in my door. This is the last time, I won’t hurt you anymore. This is the last time I’m asking you this. Put my name at the top of your list. This is the last time I’m asking you why. You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so attached. I’m sorry. I feel like it’s my fault that this is all ruined now. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it all to end up like this. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you away, I just did. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to love you when you didn’t love me. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. I can’t breathe without you. But I have to.

Cleo xxx

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