feelings · First Love · Heartbreak · Love · moving on · Uncategorized

I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke

“You don’t get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I’m all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.”

You hurt me. You left me when I needed you most. You were the one who damaged me, who made me cry, who made me question if anyone actually cares about me. It was all you. And now I’m better and I’m okay and I’m surviving. I’m all glued back together. And you’re still trying to bother me.

Please leave me alone. I’m okay again so why are you still distracting me? I’m fine without you. More than fine. Or at least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. And you being all over me again is really making it hard.

Maybe if I had just one tear rolling down your cheek. Maybe I could cope, maybe I’d get some sleep. Because then I could maybe see you have been affected too. That you care too. That you’re falling apart too. So could you cry a little? Lie just a little? Pretend that you’re feeling a little more pain than you actually are?

I don’t want pity I just want what is mine. I want back what you took from me. The happiness. The self confidence. The laughter. The love.

I’m moving on. Whether you like it or not. Whether I like it or not. I’m moving on from you. Because it’s not worth it anymore. Not worth the tears, not worth the heartbreak, not worth the pain.

They said we would be complicated. And it so was. So confusing, so complicated, so life ruining. So this time I am not going to let us go back to the way that we were. Because I can’t do it again. I can’t do the flirting, the laughter, the inside jokes, the 5 hour phone calls, the lingering glances, the hugs that last a little longer than they should. I can’t do it again. And I won’t.

So maybe you will miss me. Maybe you will realise what you lost. Or maybe you won’t. But I can assure you that you will wake up one day and realise that I wasn’t worth losing. You’re going to notice you should have tried. That I was worth the fight. That you hurt me and you should regret that.

“I would push and you would pull away from me. My heart would bleed. And I’d say things I didn’t mean to try and get you back to me. We’ve bent the rules, played the games and never said we felt the same. We ended things like we began and feared what we became.”

I’m not sorry that I got bored of your games. I’m not sorry that I decided it was time to move on. I’m not sorry that I’m annoyed at you. I’m not sorry that I despise what you did to me. I’m not sorry about how much I hate you because you messed with my feelings like I was game.

I make no apologises for how I chose to repair what you broke. I make no apologises for how I dealt with and will continue to cope with how you made me feel. I make no apologises for how I have moved on without you.

I make no apologises.

Take care and try not to worry too much,

Cleo xxx

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