“You said. If it is meant to be fate will bring us back together. For a second I wondered if you were really that naive. If you believed fate worked like that. As if it lived in the sky staring down at us. As if it was not already within us. As if fate was not the choices we make. As if it had five fingers and it spends its time placing us like pieces of chess. Who taught you that. Tell me. Go on. Who convinced you you’d been given a heart and a mind but it wasn’t yours to use. That your actions did not define what would become of you. I wanted to scream. Shout. It’s us you fool. We’re the only ones that can bring us back together. But instead I sat there quietly. Smiling softly through quivering lips. Thinking. Isn’t it such a tragic thing; when you can see it so clearly but the other person doesn’t.”
I was that girl. The one who believed in magic and fairy tales and happily ever after. The one who thought that everything would work out eventually, that there would always be a happy ending. That it was fate that would make happy ending’s destined to happen for me. I would be happy and I would be a princess and I would find a prince. Okay I know I haven’t spent any time recently thinking that, but still! My younger self was adamant she would have a happily ever after and as I get older I can’t help but think there is a lot more than fate involved in getting one.
I’ve always said things like “if it’s meant to be it will be”. But was I just hoping that whatever I was wishing for, whatever I was spending my time thinking about would actually come true. Or did I actually believe in fate. Because now I just feel like I have to physically go out there and get what I want. It’s not just going to come and happen for me just because it’s “meant to be”.
I am always on a never ending quest to find myself, be happy and make the people around me happy. So when I finally discovered that maybe things don’t just happen because they are meant to be or because fate was involved. It made me think. Every single little thing we do affects what happens to us, what the people around us do and therefore affects what happens to other people. Every single word, action, movement we make is somehow affecting the people around us. That’s not fate. That’s each person in the world using their voice, their actions and their whole self to make decisions, to make changes and to act. What each person does it what affects what happens to them. Not fate, not “meant to be”, literally what they decide to do.
Some people don’t see that. Some people will go out of their way to think that fate will make everything better, that everything will fall in to place. And I used to be some people. I used to allow myself to be so naive, so stupid as to think that some things were inevitable, fate would make things happen, and that everything would turn out fine. But it’s just so stupid for me to think that. Because what I think is fate, what I think is so inevitable to happen. Might be completely different to what someone else is thinking or what someone else thinks is inevitable.
What I used to think was inevitable and what I used to think would happen because of fate. Just hasn’t happened. And that’s okay. Sometimes what I wanted, what I spent so much time begging fate to let happen, just isn’t worth wanting anymore.
I’m in a new mindset. If you want something, go and get it. Spend every waking moment trying to get what you want. Don’t allow yourself to sit around and wait for fate to make it happen. Because sadly, it isn’t up to fate, it’s up to us.
If you want someone or something, tell them. Because they might feel the same and they might be so oblivious that you actually feel that way about them. You might see your feelings for them as so clear, so obvious. But they might not even realise.
“Isn’t it such a tragic thing; when you can see it so clearly but the other person doesn’t.”
Take care and try not to worry too much,