drama · feelings · Heartbreak · Life · Love · overthinking · Uncategorized

Confessions of an overthinker

“If I had just one tear running down your cheek. Maybe I could cope maybe I’d get some sleep. If I had just one moment at your expense. Maybe all my misery would be well spent. Yeah. Could you cry a little. Lie just a little. Pretend that you’re feeling a little more pain. I gave now, I ‘m wanting something in return. So cry just a little for me.

I’m overthinking again. The same thoughts are going round and round in my head. I can’t sleep and I definitely can’t get any revision done in this state. I have literally spent the whole night laid in bed thinking. And thinking. And thinking.

For the most part I always seem to think I know how people are thinking or feeling and that they know exactly how I am feeling too. Especially when it comes to him and his feelings or his ability to interpret mine. Basically I assume I can predict how he is feeling and that he will know exactly how I feel even if  I don’t tell him or I tell him the exact opposite of the truth.

Basically I assume that everyone will know how I feel even if I don’t tell them and that I know how everyone feels even if they don’t actually tell me. Literally this is just a prime example of how I ALWAYS jump to conclusions.

Tonight I am literally having a breakthrough moment about this because I thought; maybe I don’t know exactly how people feel when it comes down to it. We spend so much time over thinking and making situations up in our mind that when it actually comes to interpreting how people feel, maybe we made up or exaggerated how they actually feel in our minds.

If you’re anything like me, you will take someone taking a long time to reply or no reply at all as someone being annoyed or angry or something like that. When in reality they may just be busy or forgot to reply. But by the time they have replied saying “sorry forgot to reply” or “sorry I was asleep”; you’ve already made up 60 arguments in your mind and stressed yourself out. You end up assuming they feel or are acting in a certain way which leads to you probably becoming totally anxious or angry and therefore being angry when they eventually reply.

(If you don’t act like this or overthink like I do then maybe I am just an absolute total overthinking mess.)

Anyway. I realise that I can’t ever assume how people feel because just because they are acting in a certain way or do something, doesn’t mean they are annoyed or hate me or don’t want to speak to me. Sometimes people are in a bad mood or forget to reply or just literally don’t want to talk. That doesn’t mean I need to go all crazy and be like “why aren’t you replying, are you annoyed?” I can’t assume people’s emotions because I literally never have any idea of how I feel myself, so why should I be allowed to decipher someone else’s emotions.

When it comes down to it, I also need to stop assuming that people can read my mind and know how I feel when I don’t tell them. I can’t count the amount of arguments I have had because I have acted normally and then wondered why someone didn’t ask if I was okay. I literally feel like past me just thought that everyone should be able to read my mind and know when I am lying about being okay or not. I know I’m ridiculous but literally I have only just realised that if I don’t say exactly how I feel, then I can’t expect people to know how I feel.

I just need some closure. And I could really do with some sleep. But in this state I don’t see that happening until I just pass our from exhaustion.

Sometimes I just want people to show me a bit more emotion. Or a bit more explanation. So I don’t have to spend all Thursday night laid in bed wondering why I am so filled with dread and sadness.

I would love to be able to know how some people feel. And I would love for some people to know exactly how I feel too. But that would mean me actually revealing my true emotions and that’s an absolute NO from me. Hmm. Maybe I’ll just have to over think about this one.

Wish me luck.

Take care and try not to worry too much,

Cleo xxx

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