“It doesn’t matter how tough we are. Trauma always leave a scar. It follows us home, changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But, maybe, that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through that is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up.”
I was a drama queen at birth. Actually. Ignore that. I was a drama in the womb; overthinking and stressing out over scenarios that hadn’t happened and situations I hadn’t even been born in to yet. I’ve always had the loud, confident, bubbly (annoying) personality that just leads to me constantly being described as a drama queen. Who cares. Drama queen is who I am, what I identify as, literally just what I always always will be.
Throughout 2017 so far and let’s be honest the majority of 2016, I have been living in what I would like to describe as absolute shit. Shit decisions, shit situations, shit love life and just overall shit life. And let’s be honest this isn’t the first time this happened in my life. Or the second. Or the third. Or the fourth.. You get my point. You know when you have the lowest of the lowest of the lowest lows. (I’m literally not even being dramatic, it’s literally been shit.)
However I have strangely managed to survive this literally shit storm and here I am. I mean of course I’m still a drama queen but if I’m honest I don’t really see it as a bad thing anymore. It’s just who I am.
So. I am beginning to try and handle my decisions and actions better. Because let’s be honest I’ve always been one to do now and think later. Which usually ends in me making rash decisions and then thinking shit why did I just do that. (Story of my life.)
I would LOVE for April to be as good as I think it will be. I mean it is only 4 days in and I have already cried at school. But in all honesty I think it’s actually good so far. April I mean, not crying at school.
April is actually my birthday month and I am BEYOND excited to turn 18. (I actually can’t believe I’m going to be 18 it’s ridiculous but we won’t dwell.) I am ready for celebrations and parties and cake. Cake most of all.
One of my best friends and I always talk about how we want the new month to be amazing. I mean come on, don’t we deserve this one to be good? Our word of the month to describe March was “horrific”, I think we deserve this one to be way way better. I mean things change, people turn out to be bitches, situations completely turn out different in a matter of a week. You know that especially Hannah. I swear our lives change in a matter of days it’s actually ridiculous. But when it comes to you especially; you’re always there and you’re always amazing. I can’t thank you enough for actually being there for me and always understanding where I am coming from when I am upset. (Oh and the quotes we always send each other; I love that.)
So. Yes I am a drama queen. But I still have a lot of hope for the future; especially this month. Please be good to me April. Please be good to my best friends and the people that I love. Please be good.
I hope you all have a fabulous April. We all deserve it, I am sure of it.
Take care and try not to worry too much,