So I had a spare half an hour before I am going to see Beauty and the Beast at the cinema (I AM SO EXCITED) and I thought I would just let myself just type everything I feel on one blog post.
It’s probably not helping that I’m listening to Adele but I feel sad. I have so many good things happening in my life that I should be grateful for, should be happy about. But I’m not as happy as I wish I was. I miss my best friend.
You know when you try and try to just carry on with life, just minus one person. But it’s starting to get impossible. I feel like a part of me is missing. And I know I’m probably being dramatic but when it comes down to it; I had her there for years and years and now she suddenly isn’t. Who do I tell when something so mediocre happens but it lights up my day? Who do I message with a mini disaster? Who I run at and hug when something happens? Who is my best friend anymore?
If I’m honest I don’t want a replacement, I don’t want anyone else, I want her. Because that’s my best friend; always has been, always will. But when that option isn’t available how do I cope? Because at the moment I really aren’t coping well.
I’m trying to be strong and just carry on with life but I seriously am getting to the edge of a breakdown. I think the thing that is majorly affecting me is that she seems absolutely fine without me. So it just kinda makes me think, shit does she not miss me like I miss her? Was I just a drama causer in her life? Did I make her miserable more than I made her happy? Is her life better without me in it?
These thoughts are making it seriously hard for me to sleep at night. And I’m also pretty sure that they are making it seriously hard for my other friends to put up with me. Because literally I swear I mention how miserable I am 10000 times a day.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not miserable. But you know that heart drop feeling you get when you see something that breaks your heart. Sometimes I just constantly feel like that.
I hope I’m not going to be replaced. Because I am totally that jealous ex. Whether it’s friends or lovers. And also I miss her too much to let her move on from me so fast. But if she doesn’t miss me then maybe it’s too late after all?
Literally. I know I am being ridiculous. But seriously losing your best friend is worse than a break up. And I never coped with break ups well either.
Take care and try not to worry too much,