calm · chill · feelings · happiness · Life · Love · Uncategorized

I feel happy today

“It’s a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier, healthier life. As children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face. As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Your hope can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It’s in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self.”

Well this certainly is a rare occurrence! I feel happy. Or maybe I’m slightly forcing myself to be happy just to take my mind off some slightly unhappy things going on in my life currently. I mean it still counts as being happy, right?

Yesterday I decided I had two options:real misery or fake happiness. (I wouldn’t say it’s completely fake but it may be slightly forced.) So me being me decided to go for it with the fake happiness. I mean fake it until you make it and all that.

We fake it in front of our family. We fake it in front of our friends. We fake it at work. We fake it at school. We fake it in everyday life. We fake it when we are envious of other people. We fake it when we see something that makes us feel like we have been stabbed in the heart. We fake happiness all the time. But when does it become real happiness instead of fake?

I think a good thing to note is that at least you are trying. You’re trying to be happy and even if you are slightly faking it, at least you’re trying.

Sometimes it’s good to let all your feelings out. Have a good cry or rant or both at the same time. (However I always seem to sound like a crying whale when I try to speak through tears.) But at this point in my life I feel like the only good option is to just be happy. So here I am; ignoring my pain and striving to be happy. I wonder how long this one will last. I give it three days.

So be happy or be unhappy. Make an executive decision and stick with it. I’m saying this because my mind and mood and decisions have been all over the place the past few months and it was literally driving me crazy. One second I was fine and the next I was crying and then I was literally so angry I was ready to attack the next person who tried to communicate with me. So basically I’ve decided that if  I feel happy or unhappy, to then just let myself feel that emotion and go with it. Enough of the shitty repression stuff I was doing before.

Overall what I am saying is; I’m faking happiness. I am happy of course. But I am literally going out of my way to feel better, happier, like a normal functioning human being for once. There is so much going on in my life right now that I could so easily have a breakdown. But I have decided I am not going to do that. I’m going to be fine. I can do this. I don’t need everything to be perfect or for everything to go my way for me to be happy. I can be happy with everything as it is now. Anyway, if I am honest. I have a lot to be happy about as it is.

I know I keep saying that I am faking happiness but I am thoroughly enjoying the rush of happiness I have felt for the past few days. Maybe I have finally gotten out of my depressive state I had been in for the past two months. (God I hope so, I was beginning to become exhausted.)

Side note: I just googled faking happiness and it came up with signs of depression. WHY AM I NOT SHOCKED.

Take care and try not to worry too much,

Cleo xxx

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