First Love

“I fear I will never meet another person who can make my chest ache in the most divine way.”
—  will anyone ever look at me the way he did?

You’re probably in high school and you’re probably crying over some boy or girl (but in my case boy) and how much you love them. Oh the joys of first loves!

Now this blog post isn’t going to be talking about how first loves aren’t forever and that you will get over it or be happier in 0.5 seconds and find someone so much better. Nope. It’s about how truly heartbreaking and confusing first loves actually are.

A first love is someone who will change you inside and out. For the better and for the worst. They affect you and change you and make you a completely different person in the end. (Well this is what seems to be happening in my case anyway).

So do you ever totally forget your first love? In my opinion I never will. He is that one person who has always been someone I have constantly gone back to, no matter what has happened. Maybe because the heartbreak that has come along with knowing him happened when my heart was innocent and pure that keeps me going back to him. Or maybe it’s just because how familiar he is to me, it’s like I’m home when I talk to him. I’m comfortable and I’m happy and as cliche as that sounds. That’s first loves for you.

The huge flame that has always burned from the connection we have always had is something that has always kept the memory of us aglow. I think maybe that because it’s such an unfinished love; with no closure and just bad timing, that’s making it so hard for me to move on.

He’s going to be unforgettable because it was hard. Hard to be with him, hard to be friends with him and now it’s even harder to try to move on from him.

So when it comes to your first love. Maybe things ended with mutual respect or maybe things ended in world war three that the whole world knew about (or at least your friends after you cried about it to them constantly). But your first love is likely someone you think about to this day.And for some (me) you might catch yourself thinking about that first love a little more than you would like to admit.

If you’re anything like me; you will spend a lot of time wondering what it would be like if it all worked out with your first love. And honestly. You shouldn’t spend too much time stressing about what could or couldn’t happen. What is meant to happen, will happen. So maybe there is a future for you and your first love. Or maybe there isn’t.

So first love. It was your first taste of romance. That weird thing you always watched happen in movies that you are finally beginning to understand. It’s your first time experiencing yourself and another person. It’s raw and it’s innocent and it’s real. You’re feeling things you never thought you were capable of feeling toward anyone. It’s positive and it’s negative. But regardless, your first love is what you will always refer back to and think about when you move on to different relationships. (As much as you will want to deny it. They made you who you are today.)

So maybe he broke your heart or you broke his. But you won’t forget him. Even if one day you walk past him in the street and don’t even recognise him. It was still him. That’s the thing about first loves, you never forget them. They are that one person who got your whole untouched heart. They got all your love and maybe it was for a short time but you loved them. The type of love that was saved up over years with hope and innocence of finding it. You loved them.

They got your untouched heart and they get to keep it. I mean sure you might never speak to them again but you can guarantee you can remember exactly the way he looked at you. And the way his lips felt or the way his fingers got tangled in your hair when you kissed.

You will remember him for life. He was your first love; it’s not something you forget.

When I think of my first love I think of a deep longing. It was never the right time or the right place. Totally shitty timing. And I can’t help but think that if the timing was different or the situation wasn’t as messy. Then it could all be so different right here, right now in this moment.

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. Maybe timing won’t always be an issue.

So they were your first love, that special someone who stole your heart first and if you’re being totally honest, probably still has it. It’s hard to forget that one person you saw yourself being with for life. You loved love them and that’s okay.

Take care and try not to worry too much,

Cleo xxx

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