Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

“Rate yourself and rake yourself. Take all the courage you have left.Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head. But it was not your fault but mine. And it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time. Didn’t I, my dear?”- Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons


I am often told by people that I am being irrational or that I am over thinking.My usual response to this is  I know but I can’t help it. But why can’t I help it?

When was it suddenly so normal for me to freak out over little things and use the people around me as an excuse to do so. It’s either they did this or they said this and then I have a mini freak out. But why?

There must be some underlying reason that just makes me feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest as soon as something happens that could slightly panic me. Is it my constant worry of being abandoned, my badly managed depression and anxiety or just literally me being a bad person?

I don’t have an answer.

I mean don’t get me wrong I of course (like everyone) have the right and sometimes the reason to go absolutely crazy and annoyed. But when I’m getting annoyed at things that could be resolved with one conversation. Yep I’m just being irrational.

It can’t be helped. It’s who I am as a person. I am opinionated and if I don’t get the opportunity to say exactly how I feel it kind of builds up inside of me until I burst. I take things too far and I say my views when I’m hyped up and then read them later and regret them. This goes for in debates, in arguments with friends and family and just at any point where I open my mouth and spew out stupid word vomit.

Yikes. That’s all I can say for the most part. I mean of course I do sometimes have the reason to freak out but USUALLY I swear it’s always just problems I make up in my own head. So basically a situation will occur and then I’ll be left alone to think about it and suddenly it’s 10000 times worse and a million other things have happened compared to the original situation.

I don’t know if I am the only one who just literally makes extra problems for myself. Maybe I’m just completely crazy? But help me out guys please tell me that everyone is a bit irrational at some times. I mean isn’t everyone a bit of a irrational drama queen? No? Just me then, okay.

Seriously though. I need to stop this whole dramatising of every situation because it’s literally causing me stress. I over think and I panic and then I over react. It’s like a full on cycle that I like to call how to be a bloody drama queen.

That’s me I guess. Queen of drama and queen of ruining her own life.

I’m going to try and sort my life out now. I promise. (Watch this space, I might become all mentally stable and everything by next week).

Take care and try not to worry too much (like I am right now),

Cleo xxx


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