‘’It’s insane how someone who you’re not even dating can have such a huge effect on your love life.’’
He’s going to act like nothing happened due to how he lives by the motto if you don’t talk about your feelings it means they aren’t there. He’s going to smile at you as he walks by and dance on over to his group of friends. Your heart is going to do that thing where it drops down to your feet and you’re going to smile back.
Your friends are going to tell you you’re better off and that you were never together anyway so it doesn’t matter. And it’s going to hurt. He’s still your friend and you want to stab him in his sparkling eyes when he looks at you like he always does, in the way he shouldn’t when he is just a friend.
You’re expected to be completely chill about this about the ‘casual’ relationship you once had. You can’t be jealous because you ‘never had anything’. And you can’t say anything to him because then you’re just causing drama.
Before you know it you’re crying in to your pillow with some sort of hate for boy’s playlist blaring in the background. You want to tear your hair out because he once said it looked nice when you styled in that way.
You can’t avoid getting your heartbroken. You might be ‘just friends’. You might not have a label on it. You might have planned to be friends with benefits. You might be so in love with him you can’t see straight. It’s these non-relationships that are the ones that break your heart, the one’s that aren’t the kind Hallmark makes cards for.
You tell yourself you are in love with what you are with him and that as long as you don’t think of what you’re not you’ll be fine. You’re not together. You will never be together. You’re not falling for each other; all you’re doing is falling in to a never ending darkness.
Don’t say yes to the benefits because sooner or later it fails. Someone is bound to fall for the other and it’s always going to be you. Don’t ask yourself what is there left to lose if you’ve already fallen before, because the second time is always going to hurt more than the first.
Hearing his voice will make it hard to breathe. Ignore it. Don’t let yourself go back to what once made you so unhappy. Be strong.
This is how it is when you break up with somebody you never even dated.
(Written a few months ago after a certain situation.)