calm · friendship · Life · school · sixth form · stress

I feel like a 6/10

”Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time.”

I feel like a 6/10. It’s like everyday is just okay; not horrible but not amazing. (However there are of course days which will go down in history for being the best and worst days of my life). There are always moments of everyday that are fabulous and moments that make me want to crawl back in bed and not get out of bed in the morning. But what makes a day amazing? Why have I been having okay days for a while now? How do I get back those days where I can’t wait for the next one to begin?

I can’t get up in the morning, it’s like I have nothing to look forward to. I shouldn’t need an event or planned activity just to get me through the week. I used to thrive off change and new things and everyday felt like an new adventure. So why am I suddenly wishing for time to just stop. Stop stop stop stop stop. I need more time.

I’m running out of time, I don’t want school to finish. I feel like everyone is going to leave and I’m never going to see them again. What if they cut me out? What if we never speak again again? What if I lose them forever? What if it’s never the same again? And it won’t be. It won’t be the same. They are leaving and we are growing up.

I’d like for the good days to come back. I don’t want to just have an okay day; I’ve always thought I deserved more than just okay.

I feel like a 6/10. I feel like I deserve better than this stupid routine I’ve gotten myself in to. Get up (probably late), rush around getting ready, moan all day at school, come home, do work, sleep (probably late). I want some excitement and it doesn’t need to just come from planned events or trips; it can just come from regular things. What happened to the little things giving me such joy? I miss when listening to a certain song or seeing a certain person would brighten my whole month. I want to go back to when everyday I would jump out of bed excited to start the day. It just hasn’t been the same since him. I just haven’t been the same.

One of my best friends and I were talking yesterday about how we want time to stop. Things are going too quickly and I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when she’s not here everyday anymore because she will be at Uni being the absolute genius she is. So I’m making a change and I’m making a stand. I want amazing days and I truly believe I deserve them.

So:

-Stop over thinking.

-It’s going to be a great week.

-I know there’s nothing amazing happening happening.

-But there’s good in everyday.

-So let’s have a fab week.

-And start as we mean to go on.

The majority of my positivity comes from that friend (and the texts she sent me in those bullet points above) and I will be forever thankful for having her in my life.

To the friend (I totally know you’re reading this instead of getting ready for bed on time) I’m writing about I just want to thank you for all the times you have motivated me. You as a person is so inspirational to me and you are truly one of the few people who can brighten my mood. Please don’t forget how important you are and always will be to me. So let’s make it a good week, good month, good year, good life. I know you’ll always be there right next to me (even though we might be miles apart you’ll always be there). I can’t wait to see how many amazing things you’re going to do. I love you.

So try to make this week the best you can, try to keep up the positive attitude, fake it until you make it. The more you at least pretend to be positive, the less you will have to pretend.

Take care and try not to worry too much,

Cleo xxx

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