Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to get over something. It’s like I go through phases of being obsessed with something and then suddenly it’s like I never even liked it at all.
I like to do this thing I call avoiding the subject where I completely disregard how I feel about anything and deny any feelings towards it. I manage to persuade myself that I have no feelings towards them or it’s totally socially acceptable to stay up until 3 am on a school night watching Grey’s Anatomy or I don’t care that all my friends will be leaving whilst I stay on at school for another year.
‘If you ask me how I’m doing I would say I’m doing just fine. I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind.’
I have this stupid habit of denying and suppressing everything I feel and for the first time in a long time I let myself just sit and feel it. So I thought I would write about it.
I’m not over it. I don’t think I’m going to be over it for a long time and that’s fine. I need to accept it. Because soon everyone is going to leave me and I’ll just be left with the raw harsh fact that I always cared about them a lot more than they cared about me.
‘No matter what I say I’m not over you.’
I feel like Grey’s Anatomy is like a total distraction for me to just sit and watch it and ignore how I feel. I don’t know how long this can keep on going on for because I feel like I’m going to explode with emotions.
I’ll let you know.
Take care and try not to worry too much,